The Official Love Thread

[Aumaan Anubis]

Us Texan surfing cowboys are cooler.

[NotZachary82]

i live in you state >_>

[Aumaan Anubis]

But you don't surf, nor are you a cowboy.

[DoorM4n]

Surfing + Cowboy = Texan

I'm not much of a cowboy but I sure love surfing and Texas!

[Rockymods]

We got plenty of hicks in my area!

[Kirk]

I pick up chicks in my dogsled.

[Aumaan Anubis]

[DoorM4n]

hahaha, if there was a way of picking up chicks on a surfboard, I would be the first pimp surfer... XP

[Rockymods]

I meant hicks. Like cowboy ones. heh, maybe it's just an our area kindu thing.

[Rockymods]

I believe my ex-girlfriend has been cutting herself... Does anyone have any advice on how I can help her? She usually seems like everything is fine but when I talk to one of her other friends I here about how she says she's going through alot of shit and is very depressed.. But whenever I try to get her to open up the slightest bit she'll just say something like "ok"

any advice?

[DoorM4n]

Hey,
I understand that the awkwardness will be extremely unfortunate but I would recommend trying to get her to hang out with you for an evening. I don't know her or your dating personalities, but my endeavor would be to spend some quality time with her and attempt to get her comfortable talking to you. Being depressed is so overwhelming to me that I do not understand how anyone could be that way, thus making my approach to this problem biased; try and help her inconspicuously. I certainly don't like being told what to do and so attempting to hide the scenario may be vital.

Hope this helps.

[Aumaan Anubis]

In my case, depression just drives me to be alone.

But if she's cutting herself, or hurting herself in another way, you need to talk to her. Regardless of whether she wants to be alone or not, you have to do something.

[Rockymods]

I won't be able to spend quality time with her outside of school for various reasons. I get very mixed messages, "can't seem to get a guy" or "what people say about her" among other things. These aren't reasons to be depressed to cutting yourself and the innability to get a guy I can see from the way she does relationships now adays. Certainly not her looks though she's still mighty good lookin heh.

I don't think she has cut herself recently though which is good

[Kirk]

This is more of a rant, but it sort of does relate to love..

I find myself depressed, I'm not anti-social, in fact I love being in social situations. My problem lies in the fact that I don't know how to talk to people, i.e. I could be in a group of people, but I never feel like I have anything to contribute or something, so I don't talk, then I feel like I'm just lurking and I just go off and go alone. I just find that crap about "just walk up to people and be part of the group" to be complete bullshit. You can't do that unless you can talk to them, walking up to them is the easy part.
Part of this is that I just moved to a new town and new school for my senior year, so I don't know anybody. I'm not someone who can walk into the room and be friends with half the class immediately and is part of every conversation. I can't think of anything to say, and the problem is when I think I have something to point out, it would just seem weird because it's not jiving with my "quiet" demeanor. Really, I'm not all that quiet when I'm with people I know and actually give a shit about me.

So yeah, i've never had a girlfriend.. Honestly feel it'll be 20x easier to get one once I'm out of high school. I actually think most of my social problems will be over when I'm out of high school as well. I just can't stand the place, so much bullshit and the only thing people seem to care about is themselves, who someone is dating and partying. I just can't stand someone who can't put out the effort to do what they're told, regardless of what it is, and unfortunately that's 90% of my high school. The other 10% are geeks and other weird shit. I'm weird, but I'm not weird.

[OwnZ joO]

That sucks that you had to move your senior year man, I would say I'm probably a lot like you with a "quiet demeanor". I only really open up when I'm around people I'm comfortable with who I know aren't assholes. I would guess you aren't outgoing, but if people make the initiative to get to know you then you open up to them a little, so hopefully someone does that for you. For conversations, I would suggest "probing" peoples interest, just making a mention of something you here them talking about that you're interested too, and if you get a reaction like "haha yeah" or something that lets you know they're interested in then you'll find it easy to open up and join in the conversation, I'm guessing you don't feel the need to smalltalk, so that's why you have nothing to say because you care more about your thoughts than what people are talking about, unless they're talking about something you've thought about. I could be wrong, that was just my guess from somewhat how I act, and I would hate to move senior year, so good luck man.

[XZodia]

Kirk, I've been that way for as long as I can remember...although lately I have slowly been escaping it...
It sucks that you just moved but if your as like me as you seem to be, then look at it as a clean slate. No-one knows who you are so its easier to be whoever you want to be. The good thing about senior is that there's less people in your year and after a few months everyone knows everyone (to some extent), but you still need to put in some effort.
I did. ok, I'm not the most popular of people but people know me and talk to me. In fact, I'm hosting a bbq tomorrow

[OwnZ joO]

My senior class right now has like 640 students, some people I've never seen before are in my class and I'll be like really?

[Aumaan Anubis]

Kirk, that's the exact subject I've been thinking a lot about lately.

That totally use to be me. Not talking a lot, even with my close friends, I'd just hang in the background most of the time. And with unfamiliar people, it was worse. I'd just hang there, not knowing what to say. Even when something'd be directed at me, and I'm expected to answer back, I'd just shrug it off because I didn't know what to say. Stuff like that. The, "shy" kid, is sorta a description. Only comfortable around those who you know.

Beginning eighth grade, I met someone, who I'd gone to school with since sixth, but didn't really know her that well. Anyway, we sat next to each other in one class, and she freakin' changed my life. The major lesson that was 'taught' was that, you don't care what other people think of you. You care about what you think of yourself. I progressed through eighth and freshman year, but as a sophomore is really when the lesson kicked in.

If you make a weird comment that isn't you... who the hell cares? Ok, some people's thoughts toward you may change... and? Nothing. In fact, they'll see a different side of you, and it'll take them back, they may be confused. If anything, they become your enemy. So? If you don't care what anyone thinks or says about you, they have no ammunition. Eventually, you'll be friends with pretty much everyone you want to, because the way you act usually will attract those people to you.

My life's so different.

[Kirk]

Yeah I was thinking about that this morning. It's just so hard to change like that. I know it's what I need to do though.

Okay so the situations where I'm most uncomfortable is when I'm sitting with people I sort of know, not really talking all that much, but then a couple girls come over and they seem like they know the people I'm sitting with. One comes over and sits next to me (not to sit by me, to sit by one of the people I knew) and then she's like "Hi".

It seems weird, but that's the hardest situation of all time for me. Okay so consider this: I sit basically alone for most of a year and then to have someone come by and sit down by me and say Hi is just the most bullfucking weird thing because I'm caught off guard and don't expect it, then I'm like all quiet. It's not their fault, I know that, most of the time they're just trying to be nice..

[DoorM4n]

Yes, the key is to step out of your comfort level. Trust me on this, I too had a massive problem with talking to people. If you want to be more social, start making yourself interested in other peoples topics and be extremely confident with yourself. I actually made it my goal to act as if I was better than everyone. That won't lead to anything but arrogance so, in order to relieve arrogance, make yourself a very concerned individuals and conversations. The key is to show concern in a conversation. Do not worry about what people ever think of you because that will only make your hole deeper.

I used to be anti-social in junior high; I used to never talk to girls in junior-high-it was the most embarrassing thing because my face would go red at anytime. I am naturally an extremely shy person and very reserved in all aspects. When I was a freshman, I still had the exact same demeanor that I had in junior-high. I never talked to many people and kept to myself and this computer(hence the modding age)
My sophomore year I started slowing down with the modding and started "acting" more confident. The acting part made me look cocky but it was a good start. I finally began to visualize people's position when they looked at me; I am naturally a very self-conscience person and it never helped me at anytime. Confidence is everything in a person. Be confident, do not be self-conscience. My sophomore year consisted of my computer and a passion for my present girlfriend that I was too
terrified to talk to because I had no attributes that she would be interested in (self-conscience) The day I quit playing video games was the day I saw a different view in life. Video games are not taking me anywhere and will lead with me alone and not experiencing the amazing things life has to offer. Love is the most amazing sensation that I have ever felt and I truly recommend that everyone finds it asap.

Advice seems to be so underrated these days that people don't care at all about it. Tips and advice that people give need to be taken seriously-responsibly of course.

LIVE YOUR LIFE! DO EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANT TO DO! IF YOU WANT TO BE AN ASTRONAUT, WORK AND PRAY YOUR ASS OFF TO ACHIEVE IT AND YOU WILL. THAT IS JUST HOW LIFE WORKS... LIVE AN OPTIMISTIC LIFESTYLE AND MAKE DECISIONS TO BENEFIT YOUR FUTURE! You decide every aspect of your life, don't be a fool and make your life boring.

I am now dating the girl I had a crush on for a few years that I once had no guts to talk to. I love talking to her; and she likes me 2x as much as I like her. We are the perfect couple together and all of my friends, who I thought would comment me on how strange it is for me to have a girlfriend, is complementing us on how perfect we are for eachother. I have made this future for myself. This is the greatest time of my life. However, I would be a fool if I did not mention that I had a lot of help from the man upstairs.

Make your future what you want it to be. You make the calls. You decide your future. Do you want a future that lives by a book? Your future is no where near planned out; you must call every shot and make the future you want. Self-conscienceness is the only thing holding you back. Confidence overwrites self conscienceness.



Hope this helps...Take my advice please.

[Kirk]

Oh don't get me wrong, I may say what you guys are saying is hard, but this has helped me immensely already. I've gone around on the internet every once in awhile looking for people with similar problems as me. I do find them occasionally but for some reason I never really paid attention to them. Now that I've actually asked the questions myself I feel a lot more connection with what you guys are saying than what others have written to others..

And also, I get the sense that I am, or rather, there were others with the same problems as me and I always previously thought you guys to be like super popular at school and crap, but that's just my damned mind telling me that because I lack the confidence I need. Thanks guys.

And yeah, that's why one day last year I was like, fuck everyone else. I don't care if I'm sort of skinny, shy and not super outgoing and not part of sports. I wanted to join the Marines, so I told myself, god dammit if you want it, do it. So I am. It wasn't easy to finally get myself to talk to them, but finally I worked my way up to it. Signing up on the 26th, and there ain't nothin' stopping me from doing it, and once i'm there I'm basically stuck, and I have to do it, and I like that. I'm just going to try to bring this sort of attitude into my actual social life.

[Aumaan Anubis]

Haha, popular in school? Not so much. Well, not when I had... my old mentality. With my newfound 'carefreeness,' I'm friends with a lot of people. And really, it's great. From the way you've become/will become, you no longer have opposition. You know those people you hate? Those people that drive you crazy because they know nothing? That drive you crazy because they're naive, or arrogant, or just plain disruptive and annoying. You can openly voice your opinion of them, and nothing can happen to you. They don't attempt to attack me at all. I've seen one actually bein' nice to me. It sorta changed my opinion of him, but not much.

I use to be the guy that actually worked. The one that actually freely and willingly followed authority. The one that believed that we knew nothing, and that those in authority knew everything. The one that didn't live his life, the one that didn't understand what it means to live. The one who wanted to be left alone, to do his work quietly, and to get this all over with. The one that was not anti-social, but couldn't be social, either. The one who was terrified of talking to the 'cool' kids, the popular kids.

Now? I have my own beliefs, opinions. I have the strength to voice them. I know what it means to live, but I'm not fully at that point of living it, yet. I don't care about authority, it appears abused 90% of the time, anyway. Nobody has authority, unless you let them. Words... mean nothing, and can do nothing, unless you allow them. I can be social, I can speak without fear. And you know what, I am the cool kid
I'm not the cool kid who is 'cool' because he rebels, or because he does what he wants. There is a clear difference between my mentality and theirs. They don't know what it means to live, they waste their life. They oppose authority because they can, and because they want to, and because it makes them 'cool.' They don't understand that there is no authority. You live your own life. I'm the cool kid because I don't need to rebel. I'm the cool kid because I embrace the opposition, and turn it around.

I get it.

It's almost like a, "screw them" mentality. Them, being, everything that opposes you. Everything that stops you from being what you want to be, who you need to be. You do what you want. 'Freedom' comes at the point when you gain this mentality, and understand.
That feeling of goodness you got from joining the military, is because you didn't care about what others thought about it. You were making a decision that you wanted to make, regardless of what others felt.

DoorM4n, you're inspiring.

[DoorM4n]

The day I became confident in my direction was the day I knew popularity at my school would lead to friends that are not genuine. Being popular in school seems to be a lot of people's dreams, but really doesn't do much for you when it comes to friends. Friends are not "pure" in the popular crowd at my school, as a matter of fact. They are liers, thieves, and arrogant children that use obscenities and curse words in all possible forms. I personally have found that showing maturity is the best way to make yourself respectable and confident within all perspectives of people. I am pretty sure most of you guys have seen an attitude switch within my posts over the past few months, and I truly see that this was an overnight change. The great thing about all of the things we discuss is that they can be changed immediately, no matter what the circumstances.
Every little attribute adds up to a personality. Generosity, congeniality, sincerity, trustworthiness, etc.

I have also found that living a life based on optimism is magnificent! Learning from all mistakes you see is crucial for this. Visualize these scenarios for a second.

-If you fail a test in school, how do you look at it optimistically?
A) What you do is simply make a schedule and promise yourself you will study for the next test. Follow through with yourself/plan and you will gradually learn self-control, responsibilities, and appropriate priorities. Then you know, "I have just made my future better because I am learning from a mistake I made; not studying..."

Look at every situation in your life optimistically. You loathe being down in the dumps; no one in this world enjoys being down in the dumps. The easiest way to think optimistically is to learn from your mistakes and flush out the negative thoughts. Imagine the best situations in the terrible ones. (Yes, it is difficult but it will benefit you in the future; trust me please)

Confidence, optimism, and remove all self-conscience traces. Self-conscientiousness will ruin your life completely. REMOVE Self-conscientiousness!

You are in complete control of your destiny. Don't let destiny take its own path on autopilot; grab the wheel and maneuver it into the precise path you have been dreaming of your entire life. Be who you want to be or you will be wasting your precious and glorious life.

DoorM4n, you're inspiring.

Thanks a lot! That really does mean a lot to me! You inspired me to continue this conversation with people who actually realize and think logically, as a matter of fact.

[Rockymods]

I've recently lost who I was.. It has been quite confusing.
7th grade I was a total nerd, managed to get enough guts to ask a girl to a dance but I was rejected.. heh
8th grade I tried to burn the nerdiness away, it was working. Nothing happend that year till the end of it where I got my first girl friend. I was so happy with her, everything was great. Over the summer I started to do sports, that began to change me in a positive way as well (first year of baseball).
9th grade came as my first year of highschool. Within about two weeks my gf broke up with me.. ever since then I've never enjoyed life as much. My social life became alot better though, but still had its restrictions. I made a good deal of friends but none of them became someone I would go hang out with, just things within the school. So I guess my biggest obstacle right now is actually doing things with friends outside of the every day activities.
and so on.. It would take a while for me to cover everything.

As for kirks dilemma, I have felt it alot. Casually I'll journey on over to some other group when it happens though. You could try attempting to change the subject to something you have more experience in when it happens.

[neodos]

I though there was just a few people like me but no, heh, I think that i am totaly stuck with my Self-conscientiousness >_>

Same as most of you, i really don't know what yo talk about to people that i don't know, there's just one of my friend with who i have always something to say but i still don't understand why only with him we always have something to tell each other i ned to understand whyyy >.<
I think i don't really even know what is love, well not really the GF i had, it was nothing serious, you know... besides i am kind of self destructive, no not physicaly i don't cut myself... just mentaly.

So yeah i need to make a change like i never ever dare, but it's really hard to me it means a lot of changes and a lot of courage andi know that no one can help me, the only one that can help me for this is myself, but you give me all motivation when you talk about your experience